Miliband says ‘Yes’ to independence*

Written by Scott Campbell.
Published at 17:20 on 10 September 2014.
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10-07-2014 - By Scott Campbell (+44) 0774 296 870 - Yes Cumbernauld, July 10 2014 Public Meeting, at the Link Centre; Picture 1.
Ed Miliband now agrees that 'Great Things Start With Yes'.                                                                                                                                       Picture: Cumbernauld Media.

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Ed Miliband, Leader of the Opposition is said to have changed his mind on independence – with sources close to the Labour Leader pinning the blame squarely on “nationalist campaigners” in Cumbernauld.

The Labour leader was visiting Cumbernauld this afternoon to deliver a speech to the already converted. With no notice of the event taking place, a massive 40-or-so audience gathered. The anticipation was such that every member of the audience had their passes checked. Apparently Ed didn’t bring enough sweets to share round everybody. 

However, after delivering his speech – that will go down in history as the most important speech yet in the independence debate – Mr Miliband checked his watch and discovered he was running late. “I should have left my now – my mother will be waiting for me to come home and have my lunch”, the Labour leader is reported to have said to his advisors. 

Miliband was then ushered out of the hall, through a fire exit and huddled into a cab, where he was taken to Cumbernauld bus station. Apparently he decided to accept Mr Salmond’s offer of having him pay for his bus fare. His expenses must have run out.

On the bus back to Glasgow Buchanan Bus Station is when Mr Miliband’s change of heart is supposed to have happened. 

According to our sources, who are close to the party leader, Mr Miliband looked out of the bus window and was greeted with a plethora of ‘Yes’ signs adorning lamp-posts down the town’s main stretch of road –the A8011. 

Ed is said to have turned to his senior advisor and said, “You know what, I think I’d vote Yes, if I had a vote.” Mr Miliband is said to have been converted to the ‘Yes’ campaign because of the strength and momentum of ‘Yes Cumbernauld’ – the pro-independence, cross-party campaign, in Cumbernauld – but also because of equality.

Miliband spoke powerfully of equality in his speech to Labour party members today, but when he found out that in the Scottish Parliament constituency of Cumbernauld and Kilsyth has three food banks, and various areas of deprivation – one of which has been one of the most deprived in Scotland at one point – with a Labour majority council that has been caught out on gender pay discrimination, zero hour contracts and the closure of schools in the town – he told his advisors “Stuff this, I’m a ‘Yes’ man now”.

Blair Jenkins, Chief Executive of the Yes Scotland campaign is said to be delighted by the news, while Alex Salmond, arch-nemesis of David Cameron and controller of the cybernats said in a statement “Ya dancer!”

Scots will go to the polls next Thursday (18th September) and answer the straightforward ‘Yes/ No’ question, ‘Should Scotland be an independent country?’